How to Create a Budget That Actually Works - For BOTH of You!
- Finances Without Fear
- Mar 14
- 6 min read
Have you ever tried to use a budget, but you failed because you and your partner were not on the same page? Budgeting as a couple can be challenging. You probably have different money tendencies like saver vs spender. You probably have different views and habits around money.
Even though it can be difficult, managing your finances as a team is essential to reach your goals faster. You both need to be involved with the finances. One person handling the budget alone? That is a recipe for frustration and disconnect. Teamwork is key to your financial success as well as the success of your relationship!
Here you'll find practical steps to help you get on the same page and create a budget that actually works for both of you.
Step 1: Shift your mindset - It's OUR money, not MINE or YOURS
Adopting a team mindset is crucial to your success with budgeting and finding harmony with your finances. You may have the mindset that it is "my money" or "my debt" and your partner's is "their money" and "their debt". You may even have separate bank accounts. Combining everything and thinking of everything as "ours" will begin to unify you. When you get married, you become one, and your finances should too.
Everyone has different money mindsets and spending habits. When you are married and managing your finances together, this is a common source of conflict. You may feel strongly that you should manage your money a certain way, but it is important to come together and agree on the plan for your finances.
There are seven different money tendencies that influence how we view money. You can check out my money tendencies worksheet at the button below. Neither tendency is good or bad. You should avoid one extreme or the other and practice developing a mindset that is somewhere in the middle on all of these money tendencies. This will make it easier for you and your spouse to communicate and come to an agreement when issues arise.
Step 2: Schedule a Budget Meeting (And Keep It Positive!)
Now that you've worked to develop a new mindset, it's time to plan a budget meeting. Set the stage for a positive meeting by choosing a calm, stress-free time to talk. If you have kids, find someone to watch them so you can have quiet and can focus on the task at hand without distractions. If it helps, go to a neutral place like a coffee shop.
During this meeting, keep an open mind and avoid blaming or shaming. Do your best to keep your communication open and honest. Acknowledge areas you could both improve
upon and areas you each excel with finances.
To help keep you on track, make a simple agenda. Include things like making goals, setting priorities, income and expenses, creating a budget, and adjusting if needed.
Step 3: List Your Income and Expenses Together
Begin your meeting by listing all your sources of income. Total your income for each month. If your income is variable, start with an estimate of an average month.
Next, list all your expenses under different categories such as fixed expenses, variable expenses, and debt payments. Make sure to take the time to think of every expense if possible. Printing bank statements from the previous few months can help you remember everything.
As you start to use your budget, you will simply track transactions to bring awareness to your spending habits. Don't worry about making drastic changes in the beginning. Similar to a strict diet plan, this can be too extreme, and making gradual changes can curb your habits in a lasting way.
Step 4: Prioritize What Matters Most to Both of You
After you have laid out all your income and expenses, it's time to discuss your values and goals. Talk about the things you value as a couple and as a family. Dream about your future. What do you want your life to look like 5 and 10 years down the road? Set a couple goals based on these dreams. What needs to be true to have that life?
You will need to align your spending with these shared spending and goals. Begin going through your expenses and find a few expenses that can either be eliminated or decreased. During this process, be sure you are both able to express your opinions and agree on the decisions. To stay on the same page, be sure you both feel heard and respected.
Step 5: Use a Budgeting Tool That Works for You
Before you build your budget, you need to decide on a budgeting tool that works well for you both. You can use a budgeting app or a spreadsheet, but be sure it is a system you both have access to. You will both be tracking your transactions daily, so you both need to have easy access to your budget. It is also important to choose a system that fits your personalities and your habits. If you prefer easy visibility on your phone throughout the day, an app would be a good option for you. If you geek out on Excel, a spreadsheet would be a great option. Just be sure it is a shared spreadsheet on a platform like Google Sheets where you can both see updates in real time.
My favorite way to budget is with the EveryDollar budgeting app. This is available with a simple app on your phone or with a larger, more detailed version on your computer. YNAB is another great budgeting app that is detailed and works well for many people.
Whatever you choose, be sure it is detailed and user friendly. It is essential you are both tracking your transactions in your budget daily. Yes! I said daily! Choosing a system that works well for you both ensures you are more likely to be active in your budget on a daily basis.
Step 6: Give Every Dollar a Job (Zero-Based Budgeting)
Now it's time to create your budget. Don't just plan for bills. You need to be budgeting for every dollar of your income, including all the little expenses that add up. This method is called zero-based budgeting.
Income - Expenses = Zero
Start with your income for the month at the top of your budget. Next, add all of your expenses into different categories. As you subtract your expenses from your income, your goal is to plan every dollar, bringing the income to budget to $0. This includes all the essentials and planned saving as well as some fun spending and giving.
A great way to encourage both you and your partner is to have a "fun money" line item for each of you. If your budget is tight, this may be just $20. Giving you both some fun money ensures you don't feel restricted with your new budget.
Step 7: Check In and Adjust Regularly
Now, you have your budget all set up, and you are tracking it daily. It is important to continue communicating regularly so you remain on the same page. Setting up intentional check-ins is a great way to keep that line of communication open.
A monthly budget meeting is a good start. Schedule a money date night to make these meetings fun! Use this monthly check-in to create the next month's budget, celebrate wins together, and evaluate progress your goals. If you have any concerns, make sure you work through them together during this monthly check-in.
In addition to your monthly budget meeting, you should have quicker weekly check-ins. This can be a 15 minute check-in on Sunday evening to discuss upcoming bills and spending for the week ahead. Be sure to celebrate any progress or wins from the week to keep you motivated. Check your budget at this time and make adjustments to categories as needed. Your budget should be fluid and flexible. Your categories can be changed and adjusted as long as that overall number doesn't go in the red. Your life is always changing, so your budget should too!
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