Do you struggle to talk to your spouse about money? Money fights are so common in marriage. I've been there! And I'm here to tell you that it can be different.
Zach and I used to avoid money conversations completely. When something came up that was unavoidable, it always became an arguement and sometimes even a huge fight. We were struggling...
Even with our great income, we were always stressed about money. We lived paycheck to paycheck and were always stretched thin. That stress reared it's ugly head often in our marriage and it was causing huge problems. We were headed down the wrong path, and we didn't know how to fix it.
Honestly, we kind of lucked into the solution. That's why I want to share what we changed to improve our relationship so I may be able to help others avoid the path we were headed down.
Here are a few key things we did that changed how we talk about money:
Making goals together. Instead of starting with money, we started by talking about our goals. We actually went out to dinner and just talked about what we wanted for our future. We got excited about the future we were dreaming of. This took the pressure off the money conversation and helped us take a more fun, positive approach. When we became aligned with the future we wanted for our family. it was easier to talk about what we need to do now to make that future possible.
Committing to positive communication. Starting the money conversation was a tough at times. We learned to stay solution oriented instead of dwelling on the problem. We avoided accusations and blame, past mistakes, and the things we were doing wrong. Instead, we acknowleged how we could improve. We worked hard on listening to each other and not interrupting. We did our best to understand the other's opinion and respond with respect. This wasn't always easy, but it got better the more we practiced.
Following a budget together. I know...I talk about the budget a lot. But it's only because the budget acted as the catalyst of change for us! Even though I resisted, we made our first budget together. We decided together the amount of money needed in each category. We decided together where the extra money would go. And after, we both took part in tracking our expenses and talking about our progress throughout the month. Today, we still follow our budget religiously and talk about it regularly.
Paying off debt. Remember the stress I talked about? Much of this stress was coming from the numerous debt payments that loomed over us. We had a maxed out credit card, a truck loan, student loans, and countless little things. The debt was keeping us living paycheck to paycheck, and the stress of it ate at me. I didn't realize the weight of it until we began paying it off. As the first debt was paid, I felt a literal weight lifed off my shoulders. I had no idea how much it was affecting my daily life. Zach felt the same way. Our stress level improved as we paid off debt, and it felt amazing working so hard together on a common goal.
Each of these things were an essential part of the growth and positive change we have seen in our marriage. It didn't happen overnight. It took years to get to where we are now. When we made our first budget that day, we committed to change together. We were all in.
This journey has united us like nothing else. Now, we talk about finances every day. There's no pressure. It's just a regular, boring part of life. If something big comes up, I no longer feel anxiety about bringing it up in conversation.
If you can relate to how we used to be, I urge you to share this with your spouse. Start by dreaming of your future to align your goals and move forward from there. If you need help, I'd love to be a part of your journey as your financial coach. You can book a free Discovery Session to see if it's a good fit for you.
You can also get my free guide at the button below. Learn how to have a successful money date with my Mastering the Money Date Guide.
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